#healing from a very exhausting week by catching up on and giffing my silly lil comedies and i'm so happy

[pearlcaddy]

CBS Ghosts 2.10

[tippitv]

Supernatural Recap: 14:01 “Stranger in a Strange Land”

The road so far... is thirteen years long. Thirteen years. If this show were a person, they would be dealing with acne and/or getting their period. We're on the fourth American presidential term since this show started. My dog Henry looked like this

And now he looks like this:

But back to the show's rock-n-roll montage to catch us up for this season. 

There was a nephilim boy named Jack, an alternate dimension accessible by an episiotomy in spacetime where bad angels ruled and dead characters were still alive, and a weird fight between Dean Winchester (with archangel Michael stuffed up in him like a heavenly turducken) and Lucifer that ended up looking like the video for Total Eclipse of the Heart.

At the end of it, Michael absconded with Dean's hot bod and made him wear a silly cap and break the fourth wall.

As the episode starts, Sam's full beard lets us know that some time has passed since the finale. He's driving through slick streets because it's always raining in the lush coastal rain forest of Kansas. .

But then we cut to some other bearded guy, asleep in a room somewhere that looks like a room they've used on this show a lot, but this time with a weirdly loud background soundtrack of ocean waves and seagulls. The guy gets up, puts his prayer mat down on the floor, and begins praying in what the CC tells me is Arabic.

He looks up to see Michael (in Dean) sitting there in his little cap. "Hello, Jamil," Michael says. Jamil looks surprised, as one should.

Michael quotes from what Google tells me is verse 2:98 of the Holy Quran in order to introduce himself: "Whoever is an enemy to Allah and His angels and His messengers Gabriel and Michael..." He still makes Jamil go through a guessing game. God? No. Gabriel? No. One of these guys in Newsies?

Also no. He says he's there to ask Jamil the same question he's spent weeks asking people all over the world. "Do you want your newspaper on your porch or in your mailbox?"

"What do you want exactly?" Michael asks him. Jamil says he wants peace and love. Michael says "you never would have ran" from Syria if that were true. Okay first of all, that's "would have run," Mister Archangel. Second of all... wait, where did the seagulls go? It's quiet now. As if they left to bother someone else.

Michael flings him around a bit with his angel powers. Like is that even fun? Super powerful beings always act like it is but it's just a normal part of his abilities like my being able to scratch my elbow or blow my nose is normal for me. Anyway, Michael says he wants a better world. Cut to the season's new title card!

Meanwhile, the bunker has been embraced by the resistance fighters from the alternate dimension. Is anybody feeling guilty about the fight they left behind? Are they assuming the fight over there is done because Michael is here now? Mary checks the aim of a new gun by pointing it at or very near these people's danged heads.

The girl already died once so maybe she's unflappable and the guy's too busy getting a monster tooth removed from a wound to notice. He says it happened in Phoenix... which Google tells me is at least a 16-hour drive away if you have a normal car.

Sam joins the bunker, letting us know that he's been in Atlanta checking up on a possible Michael-Dean sighting that turned out to be someone's drug-induced hallucination. It's the good thing the Impala travels a thousand mph or that would've been a lot of wasted time. He and Mary exposit about how it's been three weeks since the end of last season. That's only three weeks of beard growth? Does that seem like a lot just because I don't grow beards?

Sam has just enough time to yawn and be sad before some guy who looks like if maybe Jonathan Van Ness got halfway through getting ready to go chop fire wood tells him there are some "gypsy type" vampires heading east. Boo, Fake Jonathan. Even though he's exhausted, Sam starts delegating teams to go take care of the problem and sits down to hack into a traffic cam.

Then he remembers a cliffhanger from last season. "Hey how's Jack?"

Cut to Jack getting his ass handed to him by Bobby in a fight training session. Aw look at his cute lil sweats. Wait... what are those windows in the gym? They look look like they're streaked with rain. Isn't the whole bunker underground?

Also omg someone give that boy a face guard while he's sparring! He can't heal his cute little mug anymore!

Meanwhile in Detroit, Castiel is following up a lead at a BBQ joint called Motown Meats. And like I know "Motown" is also a nickname for the city and not just the name of a record label, but the country music playing in this joint is still annoying to me. Anyway some pink-cheeked fella who thinks burgundy brown shoes go with cornflower blue suits strides into the place all, "Castiel! Darling!" 

This fella, with his imperious little strut and vaguely Southern demeanor, simply demands I refer to him as Young Lindsey Graham. He orders sausage, brisket and "pork ribs, well done." What the fuck, Linds? All pork ribs are well done! If someone gives you underdone pork anything, you get right off your ass and call the health department!

"I didn't think you consorted with my kind," Linds says, revealing himself to be a demon and also someone who doesn't know his basic show history.

Castiel is loath to admit that he needs information. "Does any demon know where Dean Winchester is?" Young Lindsey is delighted and scandalized at the thought of Cas losing any Winchester, much less Dean. "I thought you two were joined at the... everything." He gets about as close to pointing/looking at Cas's dick as Mary got to pointing that gun at those people's heads.

Yes, I'm terrible at making gifs. Anyway, Linds goes, "What's in it for moi?" And Cas tells him, "Your life." So Linds is like, "Come again?" Honey, he ain't even come the first time yet, don't get ahead of yourself.

Castiel uses his graveliest voice on Young Lindsey, but to no avail. It turns out the whole place is full of demons. Wouldn't Cas have picked up on that? Is he that powerless? They all crowd around him and knock him to the floor.

A sign outside a church in Duluth welcomes "Sister Jo" and advertises its morning prayers at 8 in the morning. Does that seem ridiculously early to me just because I'm a heathen? Also it's clearly nighttime in this scene. Some parishioners thank Jo for saving their lives. It seems like she should be trying to fly under the radar, so to speak.

Oh now she's walking through a dark alley, counting her money. I'll give her a pass because she has angel powers, but people on this show are always being unwise in alleys. Michael approaches her. "You don't recognize me with this pretty face?" he asks. It's the hat! It! Is! The! Hat! He reveals his big seagull-lookin' wings.

Jo is naturally suspicious of Michael. "Why would Dean say yes to you when he turned you down like seven seasons ago?" she asks. "We needed a cliffhanger for the finale and he'd already been a demon," he says. I mean, that's not what they say but I'm sure they were thinking it.

He asks her what she wants, and she tries to be glib about it but he's not buying it. He says she wants love and a family and barfy stuff like that. He keeps asking people what they want and then just ends up telling them.

Back at the bunker, Sam has a chat with Jack.

"I know this must be so hard," Sam says, "without your grace, without your powers...It's a lot, I'm sure." I mean, Sam wasn't a nephilim but he used to be super juiced up on demon blood with telekinetic powers. If there were ever a time for Sam to bust out with "hey I went through a sort of similar thing," it'd be now. Mary interrupts this tender moment to say someone's awake. Way to talk-block, Mary.

Sam reluctantly leaves Jack to go see whoever this other person is. He opens the door as the soundtrack builds up tension. The camera finally swoops in and reveals...

NO.

NO! I REFUSE. I!!! REFUSE!!!! THERE IS NO WAY NICK'S CARCASS SHOULD STILL BE ALIVE. NONE. BEGONE YOU FOUL THING, BEGONE!!!

You know what this means, right? Either that whiny little baby Lucifer will come back somehow and need to possess him again, or when they inevitably get Dean back, Michael will use this empty toothpaste tube of a human as his vessel. OH FUCK HE'S TAKING HIS SHIRT OFF

Okay why does Sam need to be the one to clean his mostly healed wound? It's not like Nick's hands are broken. Nick has a big dramatic reaction. Calm the hell down, it's peroxide not alcohol. Then he just puts the same dirty old bandage back on. What. The. Fuck.

Sam is being very sympathetic, if rattled because this guy's got the same face as the fucker that tortured him for a hundred years. Nick doesn't remember much about what happened, but says Michael told Lucifer "he wanted to do things right this time." Sam goes outside to collect himself when his phone buzzes.

"Oh, hey, Cas," he answers. Young Lindsey Graham corrects him: "I'm the boy who's got your angel." Okay, when I said he was young, I meant compared to current day Lindsey Graham. He's clearly not a boy. He's also clearly not a very worthy foe.

The music goes "eeeeeEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" to build up tension, but fourth-tier demons are like basically gnats compared to the other baddies the Bunker Bunch have fought. It's kinda silly that Cas even got captured by these twerps.

But everyone is taking it very seriously and packing up their weapons to head to Detroit. Maybe the Other Dimension people haven't fought demons before? I can't remember. Sam assigns teams. "Maggie, you're with Bobby. Mom, you're with me." 

Jack wants to come, too, but Bobby protests that he's not ready for a demon fight. And Maggie is? That poor child seems perpetually on the verge of jumping out of her own skin. But Sam's like, "He needs this, Bobby." 

Back in Detroit, a bloodied Cas sits magically cuffed to a chair. "You sure I can't get you anything hot... and black?" Young Lindsey asks him in a needlessly suggestive manner. I mean, he's talking about coffee, not Grindr. Wtf, my dude? Castiel's face right now is so relatable.

We launch into a good old-fashioned Sit-n-Chat! Linds blah blahs about coffee and using Cas as bait, then reveals, without naming names, that Michael recently approached him like he did the other guest characters in this episode. He was asked what he wanted. "I realized after 600 years as a demon walking the planet...I didn't know." But now he's realized he wants everything. Start with some shoes that look better with your suit.

Meanwhile, Sam and Mary are driving through the perpetual rain. Seriously, how do y'all in Kansacouver deal with this much rain?? I live in Houston and we get a lot of rain, but in like... big groupings and not just constantly. Anyway, seeing that Sam is fretting, Mary says, "It's gonna be fine." Sam isn't convinced. "You don't know that!"

Now, normally this 900-mile trip would take about an hour, but Sam and Bobby didn't carpool so the Impala had to slow way down. Lol when Sam walks through the door at the barbecue place it looks like he's wearing the doorbell as a tiny hat.

Sam gets frisked to make sure he's not packing heat, then Young Lindsey waxes impressed about his shoulders and hair. He makes a "mm MM!" sound like he's just been presented a bowl of delicious bread puddin' and hot caramel sauce.

Here we are nearly at the end of the episode and we finally find out Young Lindsey Graham's name is actually Kipling. "Kip, for short," he says, offering his hand for a shake. Sam leaves him hanging. Also: lol "Kip." Kip's goons drag Jack and Maggie inside. Sam's nostrils flare in consternation as one of the demons punches Jack.

God this guy talks a lot. To sum up: Kip wants to be king of Hell and he wants the Winchesters to treat him like they did Crowley. You know, keep him around past his expiry date and then still somehow manage to make his death too abrupt.

When Sam turns him down, Kip has a bit of a tantrum. "In life, I rode with Genghis Khan!" he rails, mispronouncing it. He pouts and stomps some more, but Sam stays chill because he knows Mary and Bobby are about to bust in with guns blazing.

Slo-mo fisticuffs ensue! Kip throws Sam across the room with his powers. He's a higher level demon who could kill every human with a swoosh of his hand, but then the show would be over. Also, didn't the Bunker Bunch all have devil's trap bullets and stuff? These demons are taking a long time to die.

Kip somehow gets hold of the demon knife during the melee and takes one second long to admire how cool it is. This gives Sam enough time to switch things around and stab him with it. Kip dies as he lived: admiring Sam's shoulders.

Sam calls an end to the fight. "There will be no new King of Hell!" All the remaining demons vacate their meat suits. Who's going to run the barbecue restaurant now? Also, Castiel has been sitting, still cuffed, to that chair this whole time.

Back at the bunker, everyone is beat to hell. Cas and Sam have a rueful talk about what they just went through. Cas is embarrassed he went to the demons, but Sam says he'd work with anyone if it meant finding Dean.

In the kitchen, Mary and Bobby do a little Chekhov's flirting.

Cas goes to find Jack and try to cheer him up. "You did well," he says. "All I did was get punched in the face," Jack says. Don't sell yourself short, kid. You also got punched in the stomach.

Jack feels frustrated and useless without his powers. Cas tells him they have each other and they're family. Aww. I feel like Cas could also say he relates here. "I used to burn the eyes out of demons and destroy buildings with my voice!"

Sam gets a call from Jo. "We have a problem," she says. Is she working for Michael? Maybe!

Cut to a grungy abandoned warehouse, where Michael is currently having a chat with a monster of some kind. Maybe it's one of the vampires mentioned earlier in the episode. "Your want is pure," Michael says. Monsters are soooo much easier to deal with than people or angels! "You just wanna eat," Michael says as the monster shows off some fangs.

Incidentally, "You just wanna eat" also describes me at a brunch buffet.

So that's the end of the season premier! The FOURTEENTH season premier. Holy hell right?

If you'd like me to recap the next episodes, let me know. Thanks for reading!

And now’s the self-promo time when I add my Ko-Fi link! (ko-fi.com/A4017DA)

These are some very desperate times for me, so if you have a few bucks to spare and you enjoyed this fic, I would very much appreciate any donation. I know it looks like I’ve received quite a few donations recently but those larger ones were me “donating” to myself with credit cards to pay bills that had to be paid from my bank.

I'm afraid of not making rent this month, thanks to several clients just refusing to pay me for my work.

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